Still Alive

 

Once one's opportuned to come into life with Christ. The process of death is initiated, where we begin to die to our desires and cravings that's contrary to the will of Father often manifested in our spirit. 

Apostle Paul so stretched how much our flesh and Spirit are in constant beef. Never agreeing. Never seeing eye to eye. And the process of leaning onto the Spirit and not giving into the flashy desires of the flesh is called... DEATH. We die daily. Wait, let me rephrase that "We're supposed to die daily" but that's not always the case. At least for me.

Our maturity as believers is determined by our level of death. A lot of things are attached to our level of death. The intensity of the Light we reflect, our usability and others. YET. I'm still very much alive. Today, I was supposed to Fast till late and pray (or rather soak in the presence of Abba) but I couldn't. It was still 11:00am (a whole 11am...STILL MORNING!) and my whole body was already shaking. My stomach wasn't particularly empty but my mind keep playing with me. I couldn't hold it down.

I tried reminding myself of why I'm on a fast. "You need to do this." "You know why we are doing this?" "You're not really hungry! it just your mind messing with you." before I knew it, I was already asking the Holy Spirit for permission to eat. "I'm really hungry!" "My body is shaking." "I can't focus to study this, please." and then straight to get my plate. You will think that would be all but after prematurely breaking the fast, I remembered how much I needed to Fast fully today. Isn't it how it happens?

"You remember your decision after you fall" Just like Sir Mereije mentioned this evening stathe E.N.I meeting. It's a fight. A contention. And the person that wins today has a bit more power for tomorrow. I really look forward to a point of total death. Of total surrender to the will of God. To come to the point where I can give up anything at anytimke just by a word of Abba. I want to die and be fully alive to the Spirit. Really.

The contention continues. Paul mentioned something in...wait let me get the scripture.

" I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily." 1 Corinthians 15:31 (KJV)

We give the Flesh or the Spirit power by giving in to either of them. The one you obey gets weightier and have more power during the next fast and the goal is to sooo starve the Flesh that the Soul begin to lean unto the Spirit. I hope we get there. I hope to get there FASTER. Today, I joined the Fellowship Medical outreach team to a Primary school Medical Outreach. I would have loved to tell you now about how it went but I've to join our Fellowship vigil now. But hold unto this picture, I might share about this later or not.

I do have quite a number but let me not spoil the gist if I'm to share it later, Amen?

Dear, Lord. I'm faced with reality of how much alive I still am. I've not died to flesh. I still have time when I lean unto my cravings knowing fully well of your counsel. You said we should all pick up our cross and follow daily. I want to be completely surrendered to you. Totally able to subject my feelings desire and flesh to your will. To able to obey at all times, in all things. Help me Lord, to die daily. To be able to say NO to the flesh and keep to it. To be completely seared within that my soul leans completely to you. To your will. Help me, Jesus. Amen!