Still Alive

 

Once one's opportuned to come into life with Christ. The process of death is initiated, where we begin to die to our desires and cravings that's contrary to the will of Father often manifested in our spirit. 

Apostle Paul so stretched how much our flesh and Spirit are in constant beef. Never agreeing. Never seeing eye to eye. And the process of leaning onto the Spirit and not giving into the flashy desires of the flesh is called... DEATH. We die daily. Wait, let me rephrase that "We're supposed to die daily" but that's not always the case. At least for me.

Our maturity as believers is determined by our level of death. A lot of things are attached to our level of death. The intensity of the Light we reflect, our usability and others. YET. I'm still very much alive. Today, I was supposed to Fast till late and pray (or rather soak in the presence of Abba) but I couldn't. It was still 11:00am (a whole 11am...STILL MORNING!) and my whole body was already shaking. My stomach wasn't particularly empty but my mind keep playing with me. I couldn't hold it down.

I tried reminding myself of why I'm on a fast. "You need to do this." "You know why we are doing this?" "You're not really hungry! it just your mind messing with you." before I knew it, I was already asking the Holy Spirit for permission to eat. "I'm really hungry!" "My body is shaking." "I can't focus to study this, please." and then straight to get my plate. You will think that would be all but after prematurely breaking the fast, I remembered how much I needed to Fast fully today. Isn't it how it happens?

"You remember your decision after you fall" Just like Sir Mereije mentioned this evening stathe E.N.I meeting. It's a fight. A contention. And the person that wins today has a bit more power for tomorrow. I really look forward to a point of total death. Of total surrender to the will of God. To come to the point where I can give up anything at anytimke just by a word of Abba. I want to die and be fully alive to the Spirit. Really.

The contention continues. Paul mentioned something in...wait let me get the scripture.

" I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily." 1 Corinthians 15:31 (KJV)

We give the Flesh or the Spirit power by giving in to either of them. The one you obey gets weightier and have more power during the next fast and the goal is to sooo starve the Flesh that the Soul begin to lean unto the Spirit. I hope we get there. I hope to get there FASTER. Today, I joined the Fellowship Medical outreach team to a Primary school Medical Outreach. I would have loved to tell you now about how it went but I've to join our Fellowship vigil now. But hold unto this picture, I might share about this later or not.

I do have quite a number but let me not spoil the gist if I'm to share it later, Amen?

Dear, Lord. I'm faced with reality of how much alive I still am. I've not died to flesh. I still have time when I lean unto my cravings knowing fully well of your counsel. You said we should all pick up our cross and follow daily. I want to be completely surrendered to you. Totally able to subject my feelings desire and flesh to your will. To able to obey at all times, in all things. Help me Lord, to die daily. To be able to say NO to the flesh and keep to it. To be completely seared within that my soul leans completely to you. To your will. Help me, Jesus. Amen!

Gradually Loosing the Chains

Life is progressive. Transformation is gradual.

 Earlier last week, I met with few sisters in our fellowship. A  (really) mini - hangout with the crossovers and first years that were in the same hostel with me. 

At first when it came to me, I didn't really think much to it. I had no idea on what the activity/ies within the meeting should be, all I had was just a gathering of these sisters where I'd have to share food. As the Monday  drew near, I was beginning to doubt the possibility of sharing food as I didn't have much with me. 

Shouldn't I leave this? What's it for anyway?

I still held my hope strongly down till Monday evening when the flint started getting dim. I called my sister and on tuesday, God funded his idea. I told just a few of the sisters that I met and they honoured the invitation. We started off with opening prayer and shared our journey getting into school and how it's been going. It was delightful to listen to each of us share their stories. There were flashbacks and it became more intense when I asked the second question.

Till the point when the meeting started, I held or felt nothing as regards the word God would want to share with us. There were no verses or topic...just something that sounded like struggles. I felt God just wanted us to come together, share our struggles and offer help where it's needed. And that was what we just did. God provided an atmosphere where it's safe to be vulnerable. The second question was "How has your journey with God been and the struggles (past or present) that we have along the way?" 

There was this peace in the atmosphere as they shared how they came to know God beyond having God and Christianity as a religion they were born into. All of them agreed to come from a Christian family and some were minister's daughter, yet their personal walk with God started with an event, a friend, totally different from their family. It's as if they were called out into a fellowship with Abba. And that's same with all of us, right? Called out seperately into the kingdom of Abba.

We shared the things we've been able to shed (friends, habit..) and things we KNOW have to leave for us to have a more intimate relationship with God. We ate popcorn (and groundnut!) while at it and at the end shared prayer points on what we need to get better at and prayed. It was amazing!

I remember telling Joy how happy I felt about the whole thing. I'm happy I did what God laid in my heart and even more fulfilled to see the impact it had on my sisters, on us. We gradually shed a  lot of things to enable us to have a more fulfilling fellowship and intimacy with the Father BUT it's a process. And God is intentional about having a track record of growth not just for us to value what we have but to help those after us. Sharing some of the things that God has helped me with (and let go too) and seeing how that speaks to the situation of anither revealed how much our experiences matter to God and others too.

So, if you've anything you're currently going through or struggling with, know that it will soon be a story that you will use to dig someone else up a pit. Stay through and don't give up on your desire to be free, trust God this will be soon be an experience. A past. A good one at that.

Dear Lord, Thank you for everything that happened in this gathering. Thanks for being so patient with our inconsistency and loving us through it all. Help with my current struggle. Help me to draw more closer to you.  Keep shedding anything in me that doesn't look like you.  keep transforming me till I look like you. Don't stop your work in me till people cant differentiate between me and Jesus. Thank you, Lord. Amen!

The Little Things...

 

God is good. God is good.

There are 'Church' phrases that have become too common that it's begining to lose its essence. Words like "God loves you", "God cares", "God is faithful" have been used over and over to the point that we are forgetting how true they are.

God is good, really.

Today was full of events that though might seem really little yet serves as evidence that not only does God care for us but He goes out of his way sometimes to make sure our needs are met. I wrote my last exam today. Histology practical. We were expected to identify slides shown at a limited time and answer a question about the identified slide. It was fine, thank God! But, it didn't look like it before the exam.

I was only able to STUDY few slides and we have about ninety nine slides to study.  This morning, just before I left for the exam, I had to go up the hostel series to  get down my lab coat and a dress I hanged to dry. When, I got there, I COULDN'T FIND THEM! My lab coat and my dress were missing and based on past experience I assumed it must have been taken (you know, what I mean..😀). It ruffled me for a moment. I couldn't place my hand on all the emotions rushing in at the time. Shock, anger, sadness.

 I borrowed a Lab coat from Susan (which I didn't later get to use) and dashed off for my exam. Quite unusually, the examiners started calling in the names from the last person on the list. And boy! We are over 400 students. GOD BOUGHT ME TIME. I was able to go through the manual before we were ushered into the Hall.

Okay, that was just the beginning. After the exam, I went up to chapel to spend some time alone with God. While, I was coming back, I told God about the clothes and prayed I'd see my clothes back on the line when I get back, holding unto his word in Mk 11: 23 - 24;

"Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, Be lifted up and thrown into the sea! and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him.

For this reason I am telling you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe (trust and be confident) that it is granted to you, and you will [get it]."

I got to the hostel and  decided to go up first check on my clothes before heading over to my room. Guess what! While I was still at the stairs, there were my clothes staring back at me. I know, it could have been there all along but the truth is that, I didn't see them before but now I've found them!

These are not all that the Lord has done for me just for today. But, I will stop here. And, I know that if you look really well. I mean, if you REALLY zoom in your life, you will begin to see the traces of His faithfulness in your life.

 Don't be so engrossed in that big thing that you want God to do for you that the seemingly evidence of his presence, mercy and grace in your life goes unnoticed. The fact that the big issue hasn't been solved shows that it's not yet it's time. It's here for a reason, for ALL THINGS walk together for our good. Yet, these little things are there to show you that you're not alone and that He that's with you cares.

He really does. 

What little thing has God Done for you that went unnoticed? Note them, let's thank him for them, okay?

Dear, Lord. Thank you. I'm reallllyyyyyyy grateful for your goodness in my life. Honestly, I don't thank you enough for all that you've do for me. Throughout the exam period and beyond...but this is me saying THANK YOU DADDY! for these seemingly little things that you've been doing for me. The food, cards, favour here and there and others. Help me keep my eyes on  your goodness and not my lack. Keep my eyes away from all the needs that I think I have and let YOU be magnified in my eyes. I chose to see only what you're doing in my life. Thank you father for I know that you're working out everything for my good. Thank you, Jesus! Amen.

Old and Grey

My time management was far from great but a whole lot better than the previous days. Thank God for the  quickening yesterday, I felt this surge of strength and excitement writing down  this month's challenge. The truth is writing down a goal or anything makes it more real than having an abstract desire in your mind. It help you get on it faster!

We are currently on a fellowship program called 'Week of Emphasis' and part of it had to do with going to the pilgrim group outside school to fellowship with them and yesterday's was just with the pilgrim leaders. When we got there yesterday's evening, we met them sharing and singing songs that brings joy and stability to the soul.

Goodness! You need to see these old men and women (some with real thick grey hairs) singing with this joy in their heart. I could literally feel their conviction as they sang. They sang "Kept by the power of God", "I'm complete in him" and when they were singing, it was clear that they were not just meditating on the lyrics, they have experience too to meditate on and that made the song come alive to me. It was tangible.

To see them all grey nodding with so much Joy to worship shows that really being in God is a pleasure. I could see that they are not still in Christ because they have no choice. Neither is it because everything was rosy. They held unto God and touched his realness and  are persuaded in their conviction through the ups and down if life. They sure had stormy times.

I can't boast of that. I have a whole lifetime to  experience things that will build my conviction in him. Deeper and Deeper. It's 'really encouraging to watch them serve God old and grey. I pray we don't just get to that place but that our conviction brings our children and generation to that point....  

Dear, Lord. Thank you for calling me to you now that I am young. Thank you for letting me experience your love as a child. Lord, watching our fathers reverence you shows a big gap in us. Help me experience you in deeper ways. Deepen my conviction in you. They have experiences  that has magnified you so greatly in their lives and I am not yet there. Please, Help me. I want you to be so magnified in my life, that you become more real than these things that often distract me. Help me to go deeper in you and to able to pass on the legacey of loving you to many generations to come. Amen.

Losing Grip

It's May and though I should be filled with more energy towards my plans and desire to go deeper. It feels my grip is getting looser by the day.

The month, April had a way it chased me deeper into the presence of God. There were times I had tears, hunger, drive and times where I had to look at some of the scriptures I pasted on my wall to reassure me. Then came this desire for a depth in God that only the deeper part of my belly can describe.

I wanted to stay more in God's presence and I had crazy challenges (well...not really crazy) but then I loved it. And now we are in May and I already feel my grip along the rope loosening. I had to go back to social media fully on the 1st and though I don't see the relationship  but life outside it seems better.

It seems as if I went from one extreme of having so many dates and dates plans with God to another of scrolling aimlessly through social media and postponing our schedules! Is there really a way to find balance?

People have asked me,"How do you manage everything; writing on social media, relationship with God, academics and leadership and I always reply them with "It's not really balanced" and these past days are days when the imbalance was from me.

I have to sit- up, really. It's not looking funny. There are moments that it's like that for me but it feels unproductive , wasteful and  far from God. I hate the feeling! Such an irony, I guess!

I can't continue letting out time slip though my hands. Someone died earlier in the day. A youth. He was too young! It made a lot of things go through my mind and just when I thought that was enough to straighten me up, I went back to scrolling! 

I won't be here for long. I've to make most of my time. I will write pretty much earlier tomorrow when I make a hit more progress on my time management. I have a LOT to do...I can't be loosing grip! Help me, Lord!

Dear, Lord. These times are here again. I would like to think it's a beginning of an era/season for me but I currently don't know if that will be right . Most times, I know what to do, I hear your gentle whispers but it's hard to let  go and obey. I'm sorry for all the times you've prodded that I ignored. Help me to do things the right way tomorrow. Help me to pray when I should, to study when I should. Help me to obey when your gentle whispers come knocking to nudge me to the right path. Help me to make the most of this time you've given to me. Help me Lord to say not these distraction and to stay and go deeper in you. Amen.