I used to be a person that didn't really believe REAL Believers (If there's anything like that) do have emotional feelings for the opposite sex. I mean, for a part of my teenage years I considered going celibate (lol), you know, love Jesus! Focus, nothing in between.
But, When I got to know that God didn't want that for me. I made a new deal.
JUST FOCUS.
I decided to focus on discovery and actualization of purpose before that. I wasn't ready and that's that. And to think about it, I didn't have the desire too. I didn't feel, I wanted to be in any relationship and I thought that was the same for everyone. I THOUGHT NO ONE AROUND ME WAS THINKING RELATIONSHIP TOO! for a long time until...
As I began to get older, It was as if my eyes opened! Pheew! I began to have this desire and even got to the point of NEEDING to be in a relationship.
*Side note, Brethren* That you have a desire for something as godly as it is, doesn't mean it's the right time for you to have it.
Then, it located a brother! I began to notice this emotional attachment, which went on for a while until the Lord helped me out of it.
How? What did you do? How did it go?
Let's take it slowly.
STEPS YOU CAN FOLLOW.
1. ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEELING.
I know this is one of the hardest part especially, if you regard yourself a spiritual person. You don't want to own up to the fact that there's really an attachment you have towards this person. Well, the first step is acceptance.
Sisters should I really go into the details. I mean, the time you are sad that He didn't call. That clenching gut feeling when he's chatting with another sister, the thought that occasionally tries to paint a picture of how beautiful and godly your home will be, the couple goals, and on! I gat you, big time. Its okay!
One of the things that helped me was that I owned up to the truth that I liked this brother, well to be more honest The Lord pointed out to me of the feeling welling up in my heart red handed that I knew I had to cave in. So, acknowledge your feeling. That's how you can deal with it.
2. BRING IT UP TO GOD.
This might sound cliche, but this should be your first step whether you are ready or not for a relationship. God can really direct you to your spouse through this overwhelming desire but other time, it is your hormones and emotions playing it tricks on you and you don't want to fall for it.
I do talk to God as a Friend, so I just told him. "Lord, I like this brother!.." then, went on to tell God how it was doing me. Brethren, the secret place is REAl. You don't just go there to kabash for 3hrs and then leave. It's where you can be vulnerable without restriction.
You can tell God about EVERYTHING including your feelings for someone. You didn't disappoint him. You didn't fail him. If you hide that part of you, then how can you be intimate with Him when you can't show him your flaws.
Sometimes, we are still struggling because we are trying to show him how strong we are, how tough we can hold it in. What if I tell you, you don't need to.
I am already letting this drag. But, when I brought this issue to God, with all my imaginations. I was trying to give God the reason why it could be him. Don't get me wrong, He has great qualities and I am not talking of anointing or charisma. I mean, real spiritual FRUIT. I was trying to convince myself, this could be it. As my feelings were all over the place. But, no, it wasn't. I just had an emotional attachment. I knew God wasn't saying anything, but, you know, feeling were high.
4. REDUCE CONTACT WITH HIM/HER
One of the fruit of the Spirit is Self - Control.
If you are constantly talking with this person or have to meet with them maybe in fellowship, class or work, you have to reduce contact with him. Stop calling, or needing to collect note from them. Feelings are temporary and though it may seem intense at the moment, it won't last.
I thought that telling God to take away the feeling from me, so I can focus on the much important things in my life, like my academics, purpose and my relationship with him will end the whole drama but it didn't happen that way. The feeling didn't go just because I asked that it does. I had to excercise self control in my relation with him.
Can we be real here? I wanted him to call me! What! I was reading meaning into nothing (lol) I thank God for what that season thought me (it was such an interesting one!) but I restrained myself (and I don't know how I did. Stop giving excuses to talk with or see the person. Stop coming up with why you should meet the person.
We can feel every emotions but shouldn't be led by them. We are led by the Spirit. You already have the fruit of the self control but you have to work it out by restraining yourself. Reduce contact, dear.
5. COUNT THE COST:
I did this without knowing that I was counting the cost. I remember sitting with God where I used to pray and weighing what I was feeling alongside my purpose and relationship with God. The comparism may not make sense in black and white but you loose some screws when you're are at the paeak of these emotions.
But, counting the cost helped me as It made me realize that it wasn't worth it. And, strenghtend my resolve to get rid of the feeling
6. TALK TO SOMEONE:
Having such conversation with someone heellllppss! Really. Talk to someone that's spiritually mature. It helps you process the feeling and most especially to see how lightweighted it is. I can be thinking of something as big deal until I have to share with someone only to realise it only a big deal to me and is not really as big as I was feeling. So, feel free to process your emotions by sharing with someone you can trust.
7. GET BUSY:
You know the saying that "An idle mind is the devil's workshop" It's real. Get busy, dear.
Pick up a personal development challenge and commit to that. Something as little as finishing a book of the Bible, 30 mins prayer walk, Finishing a book, Improving your hygiene, Working out etc. Just pick up a challenge.
There's a science to this. When you achieve a goal you set for yourself you body releases dopamin which makes you feel great about yourself and drive you to do more of that and if you keep it going, it moves it's focus to the more rewarding activity. You body is still dwelling on the thought of this person because of the dopamin release connected to the thought. Channel that energy to developing yourself.
You can be so distracted with becoming the best version of you that you forget that you have any emotional attachment to anybody.
8. FILL UP YOUR SPIRITUAL TANK:
The Bible made it so clear that the flesh is antagonist to the spirit. In other words, your flesh cannot be in the same level with your spirit. It's either you are more fleshy or spiritual. There are desires that may not thrive if your spiritual tank is high.
Some things thrive only when we begin to yield to the desires of the flesh. Your flesh only have the strength you give to it and you give it more power over your spirit when you begin to yield to it suggestions. Little suggestions like breaking your fast before it's time, sleeping because you are tired though you haven't prayed can give it an upper hand and make you spirit man weak.
When you notice you stuggle more with saying no to the flesh, don't let it linger. Start by saying NO to it's subtle suggestions. Pray more. Fast more. Study more.
I believe you don't really need to do all to be helped but I want you to know that you are not less spiritual because of what is happening to you. This is a physiologial reaction. You are attracted to your opposite sex becase you are healthy but not all desires should be acted on. You shouldn't let it lead you. We are led by the spirit not by our emotions. You don't need to sexualize every relationship that God has brought your way. You will still meet amazing brethren with great physical and spiritual quality but that's not a sign that they are made for you. God knows the who and when. Don't try to impose someone on Him beacuse of how you are feeling. I pray this encourages you, let's pray.
Dear, Lord. Thank you for this word you've brought my way. I am grateful to see how you go out of your way to see that I get it right even when I am high on emotions. Help me. Sometimes, I am so blinded by my emotions that I refuse to listen to your silent whispers. I don't know how to say no to my flesh. I don't know how to control my emotions. Help my heart to stay focused on the right thing in this season. Help me to wait for the right time. Help me not to awaken love at the wrong time. Keep my heart and focus on you. Draw out the fruit of self control already within me that I may be able to honour you even in this situatuion. Thank you, Lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment