Losing Grip

It's May and though I should be filled with more energy towards my plans and desire to go deeper. It feels my grip is getting looser by the day.

The month, April had a way it chased me deeper into the presence of God. There were times I had tears, hunger, drive and times where I had to look at some of the scriptures I pasted on my wall to reassure me. Then came this desire for a depth in God that only the deeper part of my belly can describe.

I wanted to stay more in God's presence and I had crazy challenges (well...not really crazy) but then I loved it. And now we are in May and I already feel my grip along the rope loosening. I had to go back to social media fully on the 1st and though I don't see the relationship  but life outside it seems better.

It seems as if I went from one extreme of having so many dates and dates plans with God to another of scrolling aimlessly through social media and postponing our schedules! Is there really a way to find balance?

People have asked me,"How do you manage everything; writing on social media, relationship with God, academics and leadership and I always reply them with "It's not really balanced" and these past days are days when the imbalance was from me.

I have to sit- up, really. It's not looking funny. There are moments that it's like that for me but it feels unproductive , wasteful and  far from God. I hate the feeling! Such an irony, I guess!

I can't continue letting out time slip though my hands. Someone died earlier in the day. A youth. He was too young! It made a lot of things go through my mind and just when I thought that was enough to straighten me up, I went back to scrolling! 

I won't be here for long. I've to make most of my time. I will write pretty much earlier tomorrow when I make a hit more progress on my time management. I have a LOT to do...I can't be loosing grip! Help me, Lord!

Dear, Lord. These times are here again. I would like to think it's a beginning of an era/season for me but I currently don't know if that will be right . Most times, I know what to do, I hear your gentle whispers but it's hard to let  go and obey. I'm sorry for all the times you've prodded that I ignored. Help me to do things the right way tomorrow. Help me to pray when I should, to study when I should. Help me to obey when your gentle whispers come knocking to nudge me to the right path. Help me to make the most of this time you've given to me. Help me Lord to say not these distraction and to stay and go deeper in you. Amen.