I don't know what to say about today.
Today's is one of those days that every wrong emotions, buried insecurities and evidence of my brokenness stare right back in my face and refuse to cower despite how long I stare back with my eyes open.
Today wasn't particularly the best of my days and I havent really have a quality time with God. I slept through my time with God today but I've had more time with my insecurities and fears today more than I should.
The enemy has been feeding my mind with lies that looked like truth. Recently, I'was made the Secretary of my fellowship here on campus and though we've not fully resumed work, I've been having this thought of inadequacy, I've tried to fight it with what God has said and what I know to be truth and has been successful but today, it stared at my face. "You don't quite have the personality' 'You don't behave like so - so" and so on.
I couldnt help but dwell on them, and they made me felt terrible within that I couldn't even be free today at the Bible study meeting this evening. There are times like that, right?
Today, I'm reminded that there are certain needs I still crave for that I need to open up to God to help fill. The need for acceptance for instance.My spirit hasn't been completely lifted but it's better now. I will sure listen to some music and journal. I have exam tomorrow and I need to read...
Dear, Lord. Help me. I just want to be free from this thoughts. I want to feel whole and complete in your love. I trust that your decision to bring me to this place and I trust that's because there's more you want to do in and through me in it. Help me trust in your word and decision. Help me to see you in the midst of this. Help me to feel whole again.
I have had so many thoughts of inadequacies ...and sometimes I feel like running away and just quiting...but somehow through the help of the Holy Spirit I overcome them all.... many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers them him/her from them all.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a relief, reading this.
DeleteThank you for sharing.
"And He gave unto us......for the equipping of the saints..." You are part of those He has given unto us and all this seemingly little acts of love, passion and godliness in display is greatly impactful to the body of Christ,, to me specifically. I have felt like this many times, and most times I come to realise that it's actually God that allowed me to feel that way, so that I can run to Him and get words of assurance from Him, just as Moses did
ReplyDeleteI really don't know how to reply this. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteAnd..yes. just like you said, God allows this so we can run deeper and to remind us of our place and dependency on him.
God bless you!