Learning to Fail Foward

 

One of the reason I created this blog is to be able to document my process. I want to go back in time to look at what looked like a mountain in the past and the mistakes that grew me; The announcements I burped, the words I didn't say right, The situations I didn't handle well... and the struggles!

Just last week, I remember writing an article on re-defining Failure on Facebook. It didn't occur to me how much I'd need it later.

I was privileged to anchor our SUFF SUNDAY yesterday. It was beautiful. Much plan and work went into the preparation of the program. The program wasn't just a success but bars were raised by the committee...but, it didn't go so amazingly well on my own part. I was to anchor the event with one of our brethren and it started on a good note. He was outspoken and quite so good but for some reason my thinking flow was distorted on stage. It was just not flowing!

I was using fillers and couldn't get out the right words. No stage presence! It was a mess! I couldn't even pray properly and I cannot even begin to describe how bad I felt during and after the event. Some of our brethren commended me and all, but I know this isn't the standard I had set for myself. This is just not it!

 

I felt really bad that I did more of scolding myself and complaining to God. I felt the Lord woke me early today and sat me up. He reminded me of where He's taking me to, He said " Why are you so worried about the mistakes you made here, where you know where I am taking you to. This is where you practise, this is where I reveal to you all the areas to grow in, this is how you grow. "

"But, so many people are there. What will they think of me? It's too embarrassing!" I replied. "Why are you more bothered about people's appraisal, if it's for my glory? why are you more concerned about how they see you to how I see you." He said. 

I can't say I'm completely lifted but I just know I have to pin this event here on this blog. It's painful and ego - deflating not to meet up to expectations (my own expectations...let's talk about this some other time!)  but I'm letting this steer me to the right direction --- Growth. I'm grateful it showed me areas for me to grow in, things I thought I knew and had under control that I really didn't have under waters were revealed. It's not easy, I still feel a little bit sad.

I know I am on the ground, so I don't need to fear falling. Even If I fall, it won't be as fatal as falling from a height. I'm grateful that God is using these things to build me into the woman that can stand on the stages He wants me to. I'm grateful this moment will steer me to a path of greater excellence. I'm not saying this with a smile! I still feel bad...

 But, I can see the stretching moving out of my comfort zone is doing to my inside. I hope you see your failure through this lens too. I hope your failure doesn't keep you from trying again. I hope your failure motivates you to grow and not make you shrink into your shell. I hope you pick lessons in your failure and not let the pain blind you. I really hope.

 It's still early, Let me go and attend to things here. Let's pray.

Dear Lord, It really pains right now but I'm grateful that you're a father who doesn't spare the rod. I'm grateful, you are bringing things my way to groom me into the person worthy of  carrying the vision. Thank you for the pruning process. I ask that you help me be stay submitted to this process. Help me to discern when you're pointing areas of growth to me. Help me to look beyond the sting of today. Help me to see things like you do. Help me Daddy! Thank you, Jesus.